Hello...anyone out there?

I've been a bit busy...I lost a little bit of weight, down to about 170, 168 was the low I think. Then I gained some...in the form of twin girls!

S and L were born on February of 2015. I only gained 27 lb with the pregnancy and then lost it all by 3 weeks post partum. And then I pretty much stopped. I've been hovering around 170lb, give or take for a very very long time.

I had 2 unfills during my pregnancy, then I breastfed for a year and was taking a ton of supplements, so I never had any fills. I'm actually on the phone right now to schedule an appointment for a little fill, have my annual esophogram and also the metabolic testing that tells you how many calories you burn.

So between mothering twins, running a business, trying to be a good wife and daughter, something has to give...and it has been my health. I recently started doing some exercised in a book about time management and practice development, and there is an exercise where you list your priorities in life and then look at how you divide your time...there was a real disconnect!

One of the things that helped keep me accountable was being part of this community. And I haven't done that, not really, in years. I'm going to pop in your blogs, see how you are doing and try very hard to post in here. I haven't weighed myself if a while, so I will start with that and come see you all together.

Just do me a favor, if you are reading this, leave me a comment. It will be so encouraging!

Reboot part whatever

260 lbs. I was even higher in the beginning of January, up to 267 lb, but I dieted it off using my detox program.
I made an appointment to see Dr. F, the head Dr. at my practice. I'd been seeing Dr. K, who I adore, but the weight loss wasn't happening and my visits turned into social gab fests.
I had 7 ccs in a 10 cc band. Dr. F, who has a band himself, for the last 15 years, said that was plenty of room to play with. He added .5 ccs and told me to come back in a month.

He reiterated that we should hit a sweet spot where I won't be hungry, won't be thinking about food all the time and can eat about 1/3 of whatever I would eat now.

I told him I started cheating on virtually all the band rules over the past few years. He told me the only rule is to eat slowly. If you eat slowly, you won't throw up, and that's the only rule.

He told me to try and stick to liquids through the weekend, then soft foods. I'm sipping on a large Star$ Chai latte, bought some fruit and veggie smoothie for later, will have some pureed soup for dinner.

Here I go again!

257 this morning. Three pounds down since Monday morning.

On Tuesday night I was not as bad as I had feared, I had two smallish thin crust slices of pizza. I was 257.4 lbs Wednesday morning. I had liquid breakfast and went to see Dr. K for my fill. She said I had 8 cc's in my band (and very minimal restriction) but when I requested more right before my trip she refused. She had taken out .6 cc's in June, and I've gained almost 20 lbs since then. I was having night coughing like crazy. We settled on .1 cc to give me a little boost and we will re-evaluate when I return in October.

I ended up having popeys for a late lunch - I was so hungry! I had 3 tenders, small mac and cheese and some fried shrimp. I had a shake for dinner. A single chocolate square in the am. I think that's it...

257 lb this morning.
I ate a handful of corn chips, 2 tablespoons of hummus, some strained yogurt and olive tapenade and cherry tomatoes.
Lunch was Thai food - veggie rolls (fried), shrimp with bamboo and peppers (not saucy, and I only ate 1/2 the rice) and a Thai iced tea. Then I had 2 egg custard tarts from the Chinese bakery.
Nibbling on a handful of snack mix.
Dinner will be shake/juice and black bean soup.
I'm also going to try and take some cleansing supplements for the super pooping.

Tomorrow will be shakes/juice in the am, and a proper dinner before Yom Kippur fasting (25 hours of no food or drink, including water). Saturday will be no food or drink except for dinner around 7.30 and it will be light, I think.

So, yesterday looked like this:
1 shake
1 bottle water
1 small spinach salad with tomato, cucumber, mushroom and grilled chicken w light ranch
1 bottle water
1 cup tea
dinner...2 glasses wine, few bites of raw fluke, 1/2 piece toast w crab, 1/2 small order fried calamari, 1/2 chicken breast, veggies, 1/2 piece bread w evoo and a few bites of peach cobbler. it was a celebratory dinner and I have very very little restriction at this point.

This morning the scale read 257.8, a loss of 2.2 lbs, which makes me think the scary number was not quite accurate. So I am very pleased with this, pick up my shake and run out the door as it is late.

My first appointment of the day is...with a mystic dude. He is an older man who sits in this apartment in Brooklyn, people go there, take off their shoes in the hallway and quietly wait their turn. You go in, ask him some questions, tell him your first name, then he asks for some other names, scribbles things, runs the back of his pen in the air over your hand and tells you he will fix or he can't or you need to come back or...he doesn't have a fee, but you are supposed to leave him something. My friend and I each left him 10 dollars. This is the second time I've been to see him, and he totally mirrored what he said last time, except last time he said come back 3 more times, this time he said come back 2 more times...so I am thinking he's got a great memory and a great scam going or I will spend the 20$ and come back two more times...

I did not have a chance to guzzle my shake before I left home and at that point it was 10 am and I was hungry. I went to a cute cafe and had an english muffin, scrambled egg, slice of cheese and one piece of turkey bacon. A lemonade. A few bites of scone. I also bought some snacks at the organic market, Amy's Organic snack mix, a single serve of hazelnut chocolate spread, hummus and whole grain crackers.

I'm getting my fill tomorrow, so I want to eat something "bad" for lunch. I'm so sick.

Here's my plan:
drink a bottle of water
drink a shake
drink a bottle of water
drink a shake
I think the breakfast was around 500 calories, with the drink, etc.I'll eat some of the snackies I got, but just a bit.  I will measure them out and keep it at 300 calories. I will go home and make a healthy dinner and enough for tomorrow as well for husband.

Tomorrow, I will have a shake in the am cause I am getting a fill.
Lunch and dinner will be liquids post fill. I'm tempted to go really tight, but I am leaving for a 2 week vacation, so I think I should probably take it easy, I'll put back half of what I took out last time and hope it does something! I didn't really have a lot of restriction, although since I gained all this weight since I got it take out, I must have had some!

Lap Band Girl asked me how I will be accountable. I don't really know. All I know is before and after I got surgery, I spent a lot of time blogging, reading blogs and focusing on this. I was at a stage in my life where it was very easy to make myself and my health a priority. And I lost that. So I'm going to start by coming back here again.

5.53 pm...And...today is not going remotely how I planned.

My friend showed up with cupcakes form the AMAZING PLACE.

He then proceeds to get take out from another AMAZING PLACE.
And a client brings me Godiva (that's the easiest, cause it is sealed up, and I plan to regift it. Or hell, save it for an emergency.)

AMAZING Places are not that amazing, are they? Those cupcakes were nasty sweet. I don't want more although they still exist.

So, no shakes drink, one bottle of water, one cup of tea, 1.5 cupcakes eaten (they are small though), a few crackers nibbled, a few spoons of babaganous (sp?), Israeli couscous, salad and one falafel ball were eaten.

I want to eat a shrimp parm hero before my fill tomorrow. Or at least half of one. And I've been eating so badly for so long I bet I could eat it and still loose weight for tomorrow's weigh in. I hate that I will probably take that challenge. I've kinda already decided in today's goodby to bread...I have a hard time with bread when I have good restriction.

That is all.

Is anyone still out there?

I had a really really bad moment this morning.
I got out of the shower, dried off (although my hair was still damp, that's like a pound, right?) and saw the number.
260 lbs.

Wow. That's so bad. That's just a few, literally, below where I was when I HAD SURGERY.

I was bouncing between 238 and 248 for a while, then I got an unfill a few months ago so I stopped aspirating in my sleep and could take my nasty fertility meds without burping nastiness and...I still have QUITE a lot of liquid in my band, no dilation, no slippage, but I have very little restriction.

I had a shake for breakfast today, Vita One 136 calories, 12 g carbs, 15 g protein.
Drinking a bottle of water. Going to take my meds now. Ordered a salad for lunch, another shake as an afternoon snack. Have a dinner date with a friend, but we are going to a place that specializes in organic, light and local foods, with an emphasis on veggies, so I am going to try and keep it healthy.

I made an appointment with Dr. K for a fill. It's on Wednesday.

The important thing is not to panic...

I'm going on my honeymoon in a little over a week. 2 weeks in Sicily. A fat honeymoon. I went shopping because none of my clothing fits anymore and I was buying 18W. WTF?!

I worked so hard and so long for it all to fall apart. Plus I hit some horrible point of fatness/age where my legs have turned from plump but smooth to lumpy and revolting.

I'm ashamed and angry. I'm trying to get pregnant and my weight is not helping. I'm off the artificial sweeteners, btw, because of that. But I'm still smoking from stress and anxiety.

Work is good, but we need to make more money! We've got plenty of work, we just need to  become more efficient and productive.

Wow!

So, I feel like I'm on the pre-op diet with regards to my weight loss. I am exactly 15 lbs down from the day I started my Clean detox, which was Saturday the 5th! More than a lb a day! I know I can't keep it up, but it is so very very invigorating! And, I get to eat!

Examples:

Yesterday was a glass of green juice (this was my first cheat on the program. I'm not supposed to have bananas because they are so sugary, but I bought a commercial green smoothy witch had a bit of banana in it...not the end of the world, and the plus side is I had green juice).

Lunch was coconut rice. Brown basmati rice cooked with a spoonful of coconut oil, salt and garlic powder. Also seared chicken livers cooked in a cast iron pan - I love liver and had SUCH a craving when I saw it in the store. Must have needed iron!

Went to a cocktail reception. Drank two bottles of water and ate some melon and pineapple skewers. There had delicious appetizers which I passed on and luscious desserts, including canoli which are one of my MOST FAVORITE THINGS! I very briefly considered having one, and decided it would ruin my mood.

Had a colonic yesterday, and the therapist was really "impressed". She said it was very obvious I was detoxing. Lost 3 pounds from that this morning! 3 pounds of %^&*!

Came home and had 3 small kiwis and 2 rice cakes with almond butter and apple butter.

This morning I made juice with organic beets, apples, carrots, ginger and pomegranate seeds. delish! Have a business lunch at a Greek restaurant where I will have salad with grilled fish, no cheese, no tomatoes, but olive oil and lemon is just fine! Maybe some hummus too!

I am two weeks into my detox and loving it. It is really motivating me. I definitely need to add in exercise. Tomorrow will be a trip to the sauna to sweat out toxins as well!

My detox, day 13 of 21

So I've been catching up with some of your blogs recently. Seems like a LOT of people are having quite serious problems with the band, and some of those who were singing the band's praises are now saying they would never advise it. I'm so sorry for those bad experiences!

I wouldn't say my band experience has been bad, it hasn't been as ideal as some, but I've also been lazier than many.

I weighed in this morning at 242, lowest I've been for a while. I'm actually going to go have a colonic tonight to clean out all the junk that I have been detoxing into my gut, per the advice of my cleansing bible, and am planning a trip to the sauna this weekend, and am hoping I'll be under 240 by Monday morning.

Yesterday, I had:
1/2 a pineapple and rice protein shake
zucchini noodles with 1/2 pan seared chicken breast and ginger, garlic & lime cashew cream.
5 thin brown rice cakes with almond butter and apple butter
1 pan seared chicken breast
1 coconut water

Had a short walk, which was really nice and I will make sure I do the same today.

hmmm...not enough greens! having a green smoothie this morning
have brown rice and chicken livers for lunch (I love liver, and had such a craving for it yesterday!)
dinner will be a green smoothie with protein powder. maybe some more of that delicious rice cake combo if I crave it. I'm starting to think that following your cravings is really important, says something about what you need in your body. that is if you only fulfill your cravings with healthy food!

I'm not eating anything "light" or "low fat" that isn't that way naturally. I'm not eating ANY additives or preservatives. I'm not eating any sugar except what comes from fruit or VERY small amounts of coconut nectar or brown rice syrup. No gluten, no dairy, no eggs, no nightshade veggies like tomatoes and eggplants and peppers and potatoes (cheese and eggs and nightshades (AND WHO AM I KIDDING, WINE) are what I miss most, I think I could quite easily continue to avoid most other things that I am avoiding).